As a part of National Foster Parent Appreciation month, Youthville and B-98FM would like to recognize the important role foster parents play in the lives of so many children. The following ten compelling foster parent stories have been shared with the agency as a way of communicating how foster parents are making a difference in our community.
Foster Care Facts
Click below for more information on foster parenting.
I became a foster parent seven years ago in order to help meet the growing need for foster parents for teens. In the past seven years, my daughter and I have met some wonderful young adults. These young adults came from environments that lacked supervision, structure, guidance, praise and discipline. As a result, they needed someone in their lives they could not only respect but also someone who could provide them with life skills that would ultimately better their lives. Although fostering troubled teens can be challenging, the rewards outweigh the sacrifices. To see troubled youth who were selling/abusing drugs, participating in gang related activities and basically just existing, transition into normal functioning, happy, responsible adults is truly amazing. To see a young man walk across the stage at a military graduation or a young woman become a loving mother or a young man beam with pride after receiving his first legitimate paycheck are priceless rewards for foster parents. More priceless, however, is the feeling that foster parents know that they played a small role in helping their foster child succeed. I wish everyone could know that feeling! Admittedly, all parents will experience these same feelings of pride when their children succeed but the difference is that foster parents freely choose to get involved in their foster children's lives. The relationships my daughter and I have developed with these young adults are on-going and we can't imagine our lives without them. We have learned as much from them as they have learned from us. We have a better appreciation of how lucky we are by watching these teens learn to overcome huge obstacles. People ask me "How can you take a complete stranger into your home?" I simply say, "Because they are children, children who didn't ask for the life they started out with and the hardship they have had to deal with......that's how." -- Sheli
We are the Wilson family and here is our story: We have been foster parents for over a year now and have loved every minute of it. We offer long term care, as well as respite care, when we are needed. We have been blessed to have wonderful children placed with us. We currently have two kids that are the most wonderful children we have ever encountered. One of the children is twenty months old and so smart I can not believe it, and the other is eight months old and brings such light into the world that when you look at her your heart lightens and your day brightens.
When we got into fostering we felt we could give children a solid home full of love and enhance their lives. What has ended up happening is that we have been given the greatest gifts of our lives through these children... the gift of love. We are unable to have children of our own and greatly wanted children. My husband and I love kids and really wanted to have children. It was, of course, difficult to discover that dream would never become a reality. But God works in mysterious ways and we now see that this is the course our lives were supposed to take. Instead of being able to care for just our children, we have been given the opportunity to care for lots of children and be instrumental in helping families reclaim their lives and each other.
There is so much need out there for caring people to open their homes and their hearts to these children who are just in need of someone to love and nurture them. In our case, we now have the ability to help mold these children's lives. What greater responsibility or gift is there than that? I know that what we do for them is so impactful, you can see it in their daily lives as they grow and live happy, healthy lives every day. People ask us all the time how we can take care of other people's children. Our reply is how can we not? Don't we all have times in our lives when we need help and shouldn't we all do our part to help each other? The answer to that question for us was an absolute and resounding yes. What we do is just what we should be doing as people who can help. Besides, if we didn't, where would these children be without us and where would we be without them?
So that is our story. It is not something amazing or profound, but to us and the kids placed with us, an important and wonderful part of our lives. Thank you for reading it and we hope this can show other people what fostering can mean in their lives and in the lives of the children they could help. -- The Wilsons
Bruce and I became foster parents in September of 2006. Our reason for becoming foster parents was a 14-year-old girl. We met her in 2005 when she was living with Bruce's mother who also does foster care. This youth was her first placement. Things went well there for a couple of months, but eventually did not work out. The youth was then moved to a few different homes. She had a very severe problem with anger outbursts. Eventually she landed in the girl's home in Great Bend. All the while, she was keeping in touch with us. She would call about once a week just to see how we were doing. During one of these phone calls she asked us if we had ever thought about being foster parents. She said she would love to have parents like us. After thinking about it and discussing it quite a bit, we decided to take the MAPP class. We finished the class and had our inspections done.
In early September 2006, we got a phone call telling us that she was being removed from the girl's home in Great Bend for fighting with the other girls among other issues. We had not received our license yet so we were worried about where she might land. Luckily, we had kept in touch with her permanency specialist and she knew how committed we were to taking this youth into our home. She agreed to let her return to Bruce's mom's home until we received our license. It came in the mail about a week later and she immediately moved in.
We definitely had battles. She is a very strong-willed person, very assertive and is not afraid to voice her opinions. I can remember on one occasion she wanted to go out with an older boy. We thought this was not appropriate, so we told her she couldn't go. She got so mad that she started packing up all of her belongings and screamed that she was leaving and there was nothing we could do about it. There were many occasions where the youth had outbursts that verged on violence towards herself and others. She would get so worked up that it sometimes took several hours for her to calm down enough to for us to speak to her. I learned early on that when she was having a "tantrum" that it was best to let her vent and not confront her until she had worn herself out. There were many situations that tried our nerves, but I can honestly say that we never thought about giving up on her. We had made that commitment and were planning on sticking to it. We thought that all she needed was some stability in her life. She had been moved around so much and was so far behind in school.
We have had her living in our home for almost three years. She is 17 now and is doing so wonderful, almost like she has done a complete turnaround. She hit us with a bombshell in June of 2008. She told us that she was pregnant.
Of course we were shocked and worried and every other emotion you could imagine. We were concerned about the anger outbursts and how she would do with a child. After long discussions and having to accept that we would have an infant around, we decided that she would continue to live in our home with the baby. We had to amend our license to keep the baby in the house. She baby-proofed the house and got everything ready.
She had a little girl in March of 2009 and is doing a terrific job. I commented to Bruce that she is handling motherhood better than I did in the first couple of months. I have never seen her raise her voice or even act remotely frustrated when dealing with the baby. She shows her so much attention and is so careful. She acts just like an experienced mom. She is happier than I have ever seen her. She asks for our advice constantly, which shows us that she is willing to learn and wants to make sure her baby is well taken care of. She is also back in school with only three credits left to graduate. She will graduate at 17, which is amazing considering how far behind she was when she came to us.
Foster parenting is tough; tougher than I could have ever imagined. But, I would not trade the experience for the world. It has been so rewarding to see the changes that she has made. In fact, as crazy as it sounds, I dread her turning 18 and moving out. I want her to stay. We are the only family she has so I know she will be back on holidays, birthdays and other family events, but we will still miss her tremendously. We love her like our own child and she is definitely part of our family. -- Bruce and Misty
After 10 years of operating our home daycare, Mary was facing surgery with a lengthy recovery. This, of course, forced us to close. Once Mary was on her feet again, we began seeking a means of investing our lives in some way to help children. Like a bolt from the blue, we discovered foster parenting. Sure, it had always been there, but, like so many busy adults, we had never taken the time to notice until our circumstances changed.
We took our MAPP classes through Lutheran Social Services. Then, soon after we finished, they decided to withdraw from fostering and we found Youthville. But, before we could get our first placement, our married daughter and family returned from Oklahoma and moved in with us. When they eventually bought their own home about six months later, we finally could focus on putting our training into practice.
Eagerly, we awaited that phone call. When it came, our joy and excitement were mixed with tears and sorrow. The baby girl we would get had over 100 puncture wounds on her lower body. These required cleaning and dressing several times a day. When this darling child was finally placed with a family nearly nine months later, it was like a piece of our hearts had been heartbroken. (Fostering is not for wimps.)
Over the years, we have fostered over a dozen different children. All were special to us. But the last three, we have been privileged to adopt. We brought each one home from the hospital as an infant and they have never lived anywhere else. Although we never intended to adopt - only to foster - we would not change one detail about how things worked out. -George & Mary
My name is Michelle and my husband is Don. We have 14 grandchildren! We became foster parents because seven years ago one of them was taken into custody and ended up being adopted out. We haven't seen her in seven years. Two years ago another grandchild was taken! We got an attorney right away and started asking questions. Anyway, we got him placed in our home and started working on becoming a licensed foster home. We were determined not to lose anymore family members!
We have now adopted one grandchild and are foster parents to two other grandchildren! One is ready to go back home to her mom soon (it only took six months to get her reintegrated!). The other one just came to us. We think more grandparents should do fostering, it's very rewarding! You don't realize how much you miss parenting the FIRST time around! Kids really do off-the-wall, cute things! We also are open to other kids besides our family members because we can provide a safe home to children that come into the system. We didn't know where our grandchildren were being put when they went to foster care and it really bothered us. That is why we are doing this.
I have done restaurant work for the last 20-plus years and was ready for a change. Now my job is to help children in need and it is far more fulfilling than what I was doing! After going through getting licensed to care for children, we also learned that kids are really safe when they are placed in a foster home. So many of you parents out there that have your kids grown and out of the house and are wondering what to do with your time and extra rooms in your home, think about fostering! You now probably have more money, patience and time to really enjoy watching and helping little ones learn and grow and be a positive influence in their mixed up lives!
If you don't think you can take on kids full time you, can also do just respite care, which is only having them for a couple of days to give other foster parents a break to do other things they need to do. We truly enjoy helping families in need. -- Michelle and Don
There are a lot of very worthy not-for-profit organizations my husband and I could've given our support; soup kitchens, cancer research and awareness programs, homeless shelters, etc. But when we decided we were in a position to give back to the community, we couldn't think of a better choice than helping kids in foster care.
We signed up for the MAPPS class knowing we would take teen-agers. We felt that, because of our own experiences during those difficult years, we could be good mentors to kids who were about to age out of foster care. We also knew teens were the hardest to place. When we heard about Multi-dimensional Treatment Foster Care (MTFC) we knew it was the perfect fit for us. This program is one of the last efforts available for teens who - unless someone helps them alter their path - are at risk of living on the streets, going to jail or dying young. When Janet (an MTFC resource parent) and James (an MTFC graduate) shared their story at our MAPPS panel we were very impressed.
So after we completed MAPPS, we took the additional MTFC classes. Karen Lippoldt prepared us all for the worst with her straight-forward, unsugar-coated training. We learned what to expect as a child works his or her way through the 3 Levels of this points-based program. She also made us believe in the success of MTFC and long to see a child graduate from our home.
Before we received our first placement we started attending the weekly meetings. We listened to the challenges and triumphs of the other resource parents as they shared the progress of the children in their homes. It was a little intimidating. These ordinary people were doing extraordinary things. Would we be able to accomplish this ourselves? What if we screwed up? What if we couldn't handle it?
It didn't take us long to realize that the support Youthvhille staff had promised would be there, really was something we could count on. The program director or a member of her staff, are on call 24/7 so if you have a question or a situation, the answer is always just a phone call away. After doing three respites for other MTFC parents, we were given our first placement.
The youth moved into our home in September of 2008. We were prepared for all kinds of behaviors; anger, defiance, stealing, etc. We were not prepared for total apathy. This kid had no plans for his future, was failing all his classes and if you asked him where he saw himself in one year, not only could he not give you an answer, he honestly didn't care. In many ways he was a 17 year-old who was going on 13. He was determined to stay a child. He believed "something will come up" and save him from himself and poverty. Unfortunately, in less than a year, he would be on his own whether he liked it or not.
There were times when we thought he would never "get it." When we became impatient with his lack of progress, The program director would remind us that all we had to do was "observe, record and report" his behaviors. It was not our job to try to change him. If we were frustrated, it meant we were trying too hard, and probably doing her job.
Then one day, it was as if someone flipped a switch. He started becoming more and more responsible. He took the pretests for his GED and passed every subject. He is currently taking the GED exams and will have his high school diploma before the rest of his class graduates. Then he wants to take a phlebotomy course so he can make a living drawing blood. He is looking for a job now so he will be able to support himself when he turns 18. He and a friend are talking about getting an apartment together, and he is slowly acquiring furniture and household items. He graduates from our home on April 30.
He is making plans... for his future.
It wasn't always easy, but seeing him turn his life around was worth it. We have given talks at MAPPS classes. I love telling other potential foster parents about this program and what it can do for the children in our community. Sure you can write a check each month to feed starving toddlers or provide disaster relief to third-world countries, but when you become a foster parent you're changing the lives of children right here at home. -- Maylene
My name is Cornelia. I became a licensed foster parent in 2008 to be approved for placement of my granddaughter. She came into custody last year when she was only six years old. I worked hard and went through the licensing process and completed the PS-MAPP training.
It was very important for me to show her that families should stick together and take care of each other when they can. At the age of 12, my mother died and my father was unable to take care of me, so my aunt took me into her home and raised me. It was a very hard time for me and my aunt showed me the importance and value of family and love.
I have tried to be an example and support my granddaughter while she is out of her parents' care. I believe I have been blessed to have her in my life and realize how special and rewarding being a placement for her has been. - Cornelia